exercise
15 min running in place
3 x 15 curls
3 x 15 swimmer's press
3 x 15 open curls
3 x 20 calf raises

So Doug and I are back together.We met up twice yesterday. Once before his class and after mine, and then again after his class but before my second class. He said he wanted to get back together but that he didn't want to spend time at each others' houses (which I totally understand.) and that he wanted to wait to put it on Facebook. Which I really don't care. I'm more concerned about us than if other people know. We both just changed our statuses from single to nothing.

I forgot to mention that I'm going to start going back to therapy. I start next Monday.

intake
b: crackers (190)
s: bread with cheese (130)
total:

exercise
warm up stretch
10 x 45 sec running in place
10 x 45 sec jump rope

"Look, Elliot, I don't know if it's possible to put how I feel about you into words, but I guess I'll give it a shot. I never really believed I'd find somebody that I love as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole word. Elliot, I love you more than Turk." -J.D., Scrubs

I don't really know what's going on in my life right now. Doug and I are in a weird place. I much prefer this over being done, but it's weird and different. It scares me. Yesterday my oldest brother told me to come over because he had some financial stuff to show me. I was really confused but went. It's funny, I've been asking my parents for MONTHS to help me pick out a credit card and such, but they haven't even looked. I never asked my brother and here he is, helping me look at if I should change banks, what banks I should use, and which credit cards would be the best for me. Random things like this make me realize how amazing my brother is.

My mom and I got in a fight about Doug yesterday. Ever since the break up, she randomly brings him up to say something negative. She knows I'm not over him or trying to move on yet, so I don't get why she does it. Then yesterday she brought up this guy that works with my sister-in-law and thinks I'm cute. I broke. I went off on her about how Doug and I are still trying to work things out and even if we weren't, I wouldn't be ready to date, that it sucks feeling like my mother will think I'm stupid if I get back together with him, etc. She ended the conversation by saying "Fine. But, you know what, you better not bring him up to me. I don't want to hear you say anything about him." I found this ridiculously funny because I never talk to her about emotional things. I've talked to my dad about Doug so much more than her. My dad's only input was that he didn't approve of how Doug broke up with me over the phone, but that otherwise, everything was between Doug and I.

intake
l: sandwich (250), apple juice (110), cookie (50)
d: 1/2 hot dog (200), doritos (140)
s: snow cone (0), cookie (50), crackers (190)
total: 990 calories

exercise
warm up stretch
10 x 30 sec running in place
10 x 30 sec jump rope
2 x 15 standing curls
2 x 15 swimmer's press
2 x 15 open curls
2 x 15 squats
2 x 20 calf raises
2 x 15 military press
cool down stretch

cw: 137.8 lbs

Sorry for the long disappearance. The boyfriend and I broke up on Monday. I've had a hard time dealing with it. We talked on the phone yesterday and then met up last night. We rented a hotel room and got some alcohol. Originally it was a booty call and that was all but then we decided we'd talk before fooling around. We ended up having sex. For the first time. He got me off three times last night (bringing the total number of times I've gotten off to five). It was amazing. We talked more this morning before we left. He already has two "dates" planned for this week. But he agreed to not schedule anymore and we are going to meet up again on Thursday to talk.
And before anyone lectures me, I'm not listening. I don't mean that to be rude. But I'm not ready to give up on this guy. As of now, I don't regret the sex but if I end up regretting it, then it'll just be fuel to hate him and move on.
But that's not what I want. Which is why I'm working on the things he has asked me to work on. I've emailed my old counselor to see if she'll see me pro bono again. I need to work on my Borderline and not let it ruin relationships for me, even if its not a relationship with my ex.

My eating has been complete shit since Monday. I weighed like 145 lbs on Monday. So I'm down about 7 pounds. In six days. Uh oh. I'm sure some of it is just dehydration. But I can also tell my digestive tract is really messed up. It's constantly acting up. I'm sure it's because of how horribly I've been eating.

Ugh. I accidentally set my alarm for 6:15 instead of 5:15, so I woke up an hour late and will have to workout after class and lab.

Good news, though. Last night, I went over to Doug's. His mom asked me why I was on a diet and I told her that I wanted to get back to me old weight. She jokingly said "You mean, three [pounds]." Then told me I was going to disappear. (I swear I'm not actually THAT thin.) Then Doug tells me that he can tell I've lost weight. "I don't want this to sound bad, but that shirt used to be tighter on you and now it's loose. I can tell you've lost weight in your boobs and fat in your thighs. I can really tell you've lost weight." I think it makes me so happy because I haven't lost weight according to the scale.

intake
b: slimfast (190)
s: crackers (190)
l: cookie (69), 1/2 margarita chicken (275)
d: pizza (630)
s: quaker cheese rice cakes (140)
total: 1495 calories

exercise
2 x 20 regular curls
2 x 15 swimmer's press
30 sec knee lifts
2 x 15 squats
2 x 20 calf raises
2 x 30 open curls